Bend or Break
by Shugs
Summary: After being pulled from Hell, Dean struggles with what he should share with Sam and what he should keep to himself. When an incident on the road pushes him over the edge, reassurance comes from the last place he would expect to find it.
1. Chapter 1

This one is set following "I know what you did last summer."

**Bend or Break**

"The answer is no."

"But Dean, all we need is..."

"I said no Sam, end of discussion."

Sam slouched down in his leather seat as the Impala's engine revved under his brother's heavy foot. The day had stretched into night long ago and the country road they were on didn't seem to have an end. With every inch of pavement that passed beneath their wheels, every mile clocked on the odometer, the more they seemed to disagree about how to handle their next job. Sam passed a hand through his hair as he tried to think of what to say next, of what he could possibly say that would change his brother's mind. There was nothing; sometimes Dean just argued for the sake of arguing. He knew he was right and though hard to believe, knew that there was at least one other person who would have agreed with him. He just couldn't believe he had reached that conclusion all on his own. "You know, we wouldn't be having this discussion if dad was still alive..." He suddenly blurted. He had barely finished his sentence when he realized the words that had just slipped out would set his brother on fire.

"You're right, we wouldn't be having this discussion if dad was still alive because I wouldn't be here!" Dean was quick to bark, his knuckles whitening as he gripped the steering wheel  
tightly.

"Dean that's not what I meant " Sam replied, doing everything he could not to add fuel to the fire. "I'm just saying that I think he would have agreed with me on this one."

There was a moment of silence and Dean shook his head as his eyes narrowed on the dark road ahead; the sound of his classic Chevy seemed to disappear in the tension between them. "Since when would you take dad's side anyway?" He started, not giving the younger man time to reply. "You spent most of your life disagreeing with him, doing everything you could not to be like him and now you tell me that he... "

Dean trailed off as an explosion cut him short. His heart jumped to his throat and he swore under his breath as the steering wheel slipped through his hands and the Impala suddenly jerked to the left; sending him and his brother hard to the right. As Sam crashed into the passenger side door, Dean grabbed a hold of the dashboard to catch himself and then, the steering wheel in an attempt to regain control of his car. The rear wheels were skidding across the wet pavement when he hit the brakes and turned the wheel sharply to the right, making the tires chirp violently as he pulled the Impala out of a dangerous fishtail and back over to his side of the center line. As the car hit the gravel shoulder and came to an abrupt stop, the momentum threw him into the wheel before tossing him back into his well worn leather seat.

Confused by what had just happened, he put the shifter in park, crossed his arms on the wheel and leaned forward to rest his head as he tried to calm his racing heart. He closed his eyes for a moment and did his best to ignore the pain of every breath, knowing there would be a large bruise where he had hit the steering wheel only moments ago. "Kind of makes you wish this car had more than just lap belts don't it?" He said almost drily as he put a hand to his chest. He was expecting some kind of witty reply, but aside from the idling engine resonating throughout the car, there was no sound at all. "You alright Sammy?" He asked quietly, looking over to his brother who still sat slouched in his seat. Their argument, their next job, and all of their differences suddenly vanished as Dean's eyes fell on a trickle of blood that was slowly making its way down the side of his brother's neck. "Sammy?" He asked again, panic in his voice as he undid his seat belt and quickly slid over to the passenger seat. "Sam, wake up!" He shouted, his tone of voice more of a demand than a request. He put a hand out to gently lift his younger brother's head and swore under his breath as the other man gave him no response.

"Damn it..." He growled, moving over to his side of the front seat and quickly getting out of the car. Wasting no time to shut his door, he ran around the front of the Impala and made his way to the passenger side. He pulled the door open as he reached it and dropped to his knees in the wet gravel to catch his brother before the unconscious man could tumble out of the car. Pushing Sam back into a sitting position with one hand, he reached over to undo his brother's seat belt with the other. "Sammy!" He shouted again, his eyes focusing on a small gash above his brother's right temple, the source of the blood. When Sam finally moved, Dean couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief.

"Dean? What happened?" The younger man asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he brought a hand up to his forehead to study the small cut.

"Judging by how low my front corner is sitting to the ground..." Dean started, pushing Sam's hand away from the open wound. "I'd say we either blew a tire or we finally put a coil spring through that front fender."

"My head's killing me and I can barely breath..." Sam muttered, feeling every breath pull at his chest.

"You probably hit the dash when we came to a stop." Dean replied, watching as his brother started leaning towards him. "Looks like you hit your head on the side window too." He continued, putting a hand out to keep the other man in the car. "You alright?" He asked, gently shaking his brother to keep his attention. "Sammy!" He shouted, pulling the other man back to his senses.

"Yeah I'm alright." Sam replied, swearing to himself as a deep breath sent the world around him spinning. "Maybe I should just lie down for a minute "

"No, not with a concussion." Dean said, straightening out and putting a hand towards his younger brother. "C'mon, get up." He demanded, pulling Sam to his feet. With Dean's help, Sam took a few shaky steps before the world around him finally stopped spinning. Just when things were starting to clear up, Dean reached over and shut the Impala's door; forcing the sound of its creaking hinges into his throbbing head. "Dude, can't I just lay down, just for a second?" He asked, putting a hand against the hood of the car as his brother slowly pulled away.

"No, I need you to stay with me alright?" Dean asked, stepping away when he was sure his brother could support his own weight.

Sam leaned heavily against the car to steady himself and faked a smile to show his brother he would be fine. "So now what are we supposed to do?" He asked as he watched Dean walk around to the other side of the Impala. "Time to take that spare tire out of the trunk?"

Dean offered a grin as he caught his brother's eyes. "Cute Sam, real cute..." He said as he kicked the flat tire with his foot. "If there was a spare tire in the trunk, where would we keep the arsenal?" The sound of thunder on the horizon caught his attention and he swore under his breath as he looked up towards the distant storm. "Looks like we're going to get soaked  
walking outa here."

Sam watched as his brother reached into the car to take the keys from the ignition. "You can't be serious "

"We can't drive on a flat Sam, did you already forget how my baby pulled to the left? That's how you smashed your head on the window."

"Dean we haven't passed a house or another car for miles "

"That doesn't mean the road's not going somewhere, you've seen the map."

"Dude, we haven't even seen any road kill."

"That's because there are no cars on the road Sammy..."

There was a moment of silence and the pair simply stared at each other, their earlier argument coming to mind. Dean stood on the left side of the Impala, his hands resting lightly on the hood while Sam stood heavily against it on the right, his hands on the hood the only thing propping him up. Sam put a hand to his forehead, his head was pounding and he was in no mood to fight let alone walk until they found somewhere to spend the night. Though he hadn't said a word, Dean seemed to pick up on his thoughts. "How about I give Bobby a call, see if he can bring over a spare... we're only about an hour or so away from the motel where he was meeting us."

"Sounds good to me." Sam replied, pushing off from the hood and slowly making his way to the back of the car.

Dean watched as his brother staggered over to the back door and paused before pulling it open. "You good?" He called out, punching down the number he had memorized. "You can lie down, but stay awake, ok?" With somewhat of a nod before the younger man pulled himself into the back seat, Dean focused on the phone in his hand. Lightning lit up the distant sky and he swore under his breath as the rain started to fall. When the other line picked up, he got right to the point. "Bobby, it's me; listen, we're about 80 miles or so out of town and we blew a tire, think you can come meet us out on Route 513?"

_"What's the matter boy, don't know how to change a tire?"_ Bobby asked, a smile to the corner of his lips.

"Where the hell would I put the spare..." Dean spat.

_"Well I can think of one place..."_

"Can ya help us out or not?" Dean cut in.

_"Easy boy, I was just teasing."_ Bobby replied. _"What's got you so wound up..."_

There was a moment of silence and Dean leaned over to look into the Impala at Sam in the back seat. "Never mind." He replied bluntly, tapping a finger on the glass to get his brother's attention; keeping him awake.

_"You boys aren't at each other's throats again are ya?"_ Bobby asked, his tone of voice dropping.

Dean swallowed hard as he leaned against the car. Was it really that obvious?

_"I'll take that as a yes."_ Bobby continued, putting an end to the moment of silence. _"I don't know what's gotten into you boys lately, but the two of you better talk it out or duke it out soon. If something's eating ya up, you "  
_  
"Bobby I don't want to talk about it right now." Dean interrupted, his words catching in the back of his throat. He knew the older man was right but couldn't begin to think of a way to put to words what was truly on his mind.

_"Kid, you can't keep going on like this."_ Bobby pushed. _"I might not be your father but after all these years I know when something just ain't..."_

"Bobby if you can't give us a hand I'll call a tow truck and "

_"Listen, just sit tight and I'll be there as soon as I can, alright?"_ Bobby replied, dropping the subject as Winchester's voice started to rise.

"Ok, thanks Bobby."

_"Yeah don't mention it."_ The older man replied. _"And whatever the two of you are arguing about this time.... Don't kill your brother over it."_


	2. Chapter 2

Dean flipped his cell phone shut and took a deep breath, swearing to himself when his chest suddenly tightened. He let out a groan as he turned towards the Impala and rested his arms on the lid of the trunk, hunching over to place his head on his hands as he tried catch his breath. The air was damp and cool, the water beading as it hit the car's glossy black finish. For a moment, all he could hear was the rain hitting the metal; but the rain and the thunder of the approaching storm did little to drown out his sadistic memories.

"Dean, you alright?" Sam called out from the back seat through the open window.

"I'm fine." Dean replied, looking over for only a moment as he pushed off from the Impala's trunk. "Close the window, you'll get the leather seat wet." He continued as he made his way to the driver's door and pulled it open, sliding in behind the wheel.

"Did you get a hold of Bobby?" Sam asked, putting a hand to his throbbing head as he lay down across the back seat.

Dean adjusted the rear view mirror to get a clear view of the other man behind him; making sure Sam wasn't giving in to what was most likely a concussion. "Yeah, he should be here within the next hour or so." He replied, brushing the rain from his wet hair. "Hey, how's your head?"

"Nothing a few pain killers won't fix." Sam replied, squinting as the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the car echoed in his head. Lightning streaked across the sky and he watched in the reflection of the mirror as his older brother's eyes closed, a faint groan escaping as he put a hand up to his chest. "How are you doing?" He asked quietly.

There was a moment of silence and the thunder that followed made the Impala shake slightly. "I'll be fine, I'm not the one with the concussion." Dean replied, slipping the key back into the ignition.

"Not what I'm talking about..." Sam answered.

"Then you're going to have to give me a bigger hint..." Dean replied, catching his brother's eyes.

"I've known you my whole life, I know when something's wrong." Sam started, pausing as his older brother straightened out in the driver's seat. "Is it the things you did when you were in..."

"I don't want to talk about it Sam." Dean cut in, putting an end to the question before his brother could finish asking it. "I just don't want to talk about it right now..."

Lightning lit up the sky once again and Sam couldn't help but brace himself for the clattering thunder that was sure to follow. "Well when you wanna talk about it... I'm here."

"I know that." Dean curtly replied, catching his brother's eyes in the rearview mirror for only a moment before the temporary light faded. "But I don't want to talk about it right night."  
The rain pounding against the car was the only sound that filled it as Sam drifted in and out of sleep and Dean drifted in and out of his past. The more he thought about it, the more he hated of himself. Nearly an hour had passed by the time a set of headlights lit up the road ahead of them; pulling Dean out of his cynical state of mind. "Finally..." He muttered to himself, watching as Bobby's car came into view through the wall of heavy rain. When he heard his brother stir, he turned slightly in his seat to check on him. Sam lay curled up across the back with one arm under his head and the other by his side. Dean couldn't help but smile; as a kid, Sam had spent a lot of time asleep in that back seat. The Impala was the closest thing to a home both of them would ever know. Sam let out a groan as he put a hand to his chest and rolled over to his side. "You good?" Dean asked, watching as the other man slowly sat up and stretched out his long legs.

"Yeah, I'm alright... what time is it?"

Dean barely glanced at his watch, he had done enough of that in the last hour. "Just before one..." He replied, watching as the old car drove by them, making a U-turn on the road behind them. "Bobby just pulled up. You stay here, there's no use in us both getting soaked." He said with authority as he stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind him.

Sam watched as his older brother closed his leather coat against the rain and headed over to meet Bobby. There was something unsettling about his brother's mannerisms.

"You lay some rubber on the road or what kid?" Bobby shouted as he flipped his hood on. "There's skid marks all over the road back there..." He continued, pointing at the darkness  
behind his car.

Dean shrugged. "Yeah I guess I did, but it's not what I had in mind." He replied casually as he followed Bobby around to the back of his car. He watched as the other man popped the trunk and reached out as he was handed the spare tire. "Thanks for coming out to meet us..." He said before rolling the tire over to the Impala.

"Well, what other choice did I have?" Bobby asked as he followed with the jack and tire iron. He pulled a flashlight from his pocket and flicked it on as he handed Dean the tool. "Beats doing the job alone..." He continued, watching as Dean broke the lug nuts loose and then slid the jack under the front of the frame. After only a few cranks, he noticed that the younger man was already short of breath. "You take up smoking or what?" He asked.

Dean looked up but all he could see was the rain coming down in the flashlight's beam. "No... Why?"

"Cause you're panting like you've..."

"I'm fine Bobby." Dean was quick to reply as he went back to jacking up the front end of his car. In no time, the spare tire was on and the Impala was back on her four wheels. "Can you do me another favor?" He started, grabbing the jack and heading over to Bobby's car. "Pick up some aspirin for Sammy will ya?"

"Sure, I'll meet you boys back at the motel, alright?" Bobby replied, watching as Dean carefully made his way back to the Impala.

"Thanks Bobby." He called out as he slid in behind the wheel, ignoring the sound of his leather seat as his wet leather jacket clung onto whatever it could. He turned the key in the ignition and watched as Bobby pulled back onto the road and passed them.

"Is he meeting us at the motel?" Sam asked from the back as Dean pulled onto the road and followed the tail lights of Bobby's car ahead.

"Yeah, but he's going to go pick up a few things before meeting us there." Dean replied. "I call the shower first..."


	3. Chapter 3

Dean stood in front of their small motel room sink, the running water doing little to distract him from his scattered thoughts. He was cold and soaked to the bone; his clothes weighing him down as he stood there, but that wasn't what was on his mind. What the hell was he supposed to tell his little brother? What was he going to say? Was it even worth mentioning? Before, there would have been no hesitation, but now? Things had changed since he'd been dragged out of Hell and if he had noticed, surely Sam had as well. He just couldn't tell if he was the one who had changed or if it had been his little brother. Either way the question remained, would he let the only person he had left know? Or would he slug it out on his own and keep it all to himself, just like dad. The thought sent a shiver down his spine and memories flashing through his head. His guilt was sharp and there wasn't a moment he didn't see, touch or smell something that sent his mind racing back to damnation.

**************

Sam sat at a small round table, his laptop open in front of him with every news article he could find of the next job that had brought them to this deserted town. Though he had all the information he was looking for open in front of him, he had barely given it a glance. The trip had been anything but smooth, the arguments followed by a blown tire and they hadn't even started the hunt. He took a quick glance at his watch, for the third time in the past fifteen minutes and let out a sigh. Eyeing the closed bathroom door, he listened to the water run, Ruby's words echoing inside his pounding head. _"Keep an eye on him walking out of Hell ain't easy and if you bring it all out with you, it'll eat you up inside "_ He could hear her say. He took a quick glance at his cell phone, where the hell was she anyway? She should have been here by now. He let out a sigh as he focused on the closed bathroom door. Dean had changed, there was no doubt about that, but that wasn't what was bothering him. What bothered him was what his brother had told him about Hell, about what he had done and how he had started to enjoy it. It was something he feared Dean would never forgive himself for, something that could potentially push him over the edge.

*************

Inside the bathroom, Dean cupped the cold water with his hands, splashing it onto his face as he tried to relax. He winced in pain as a deep breath pulled at his chest and swore to himself as he leaned heavily on the sink just to keep himself steady. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror and shook his head as he straightened out. "You son of a bitch..." He muttered to no one but himself. After everything he had been through, he couldn't even stand the sight of his own reflection anymore. The young man staring back at him through green eyes was no longer the same as the hollow shell that was standing in his shoes. His hands clenched into tight fists as he walked the fine line between guilt and anger. What he saw in the mirror was a keen hunter, his father's son and his brother's lifeline... what he saw in the mirror was a glimpse into what he used to be, and what he would never be again.

************

Sam jumped at the sound of breaking glass. He swore under his breath as he got to his feet and quickly made his way to the closed bathroom door. "Dean you alright?" He called out, putting an ear to the door as he waited for a reply. He could still hear the water running in the sink but his older brother gave him no response. "Dean?" He called out again, a light knock on the door with one hand as he tried to turn the knob with the other. He swore again when he realized the door was locked but that wasn't going to stop him. "Open the door Dean..." He demanded, his voice starting to rise as he pounded a fist against it. Still without a response, his mind started racing. "Damn it Dean, open the door or I'm breaking it down!" He hollered, waiting only a moment before throwing his shoulder against it. When the door barely budged, he took a step back and threw his weight into it, forcing it to jump its lock. As the door flew open, it smashed into the wall with a thunderous crack.

He stood in the doorway, ignoring the pain as his eyes fell on his older brother. Dean sat on the edge of the bathtub, his face buried in one hand as the other hung limp in the sink. Blood dripped from his fingers to the drain and shards of glass littered the floor between them. "Dean, you ok?" He asked quietly.

"Do I look ok to you?" Dean replied, barely looking up to acknowledge the other man.

Glass twisted and shattered under Sam's feet as he stepped into the bathroom and shut the cold water that was still running in the sink. What had happened was obvious, but why it had happened wasn't as clear. He grabbed a face cloth from the towel rack and pulled his brother's hand out of the sink bowl, wrapping the cloth tightly around it to stop the bleeding.

"Dean, if there's something you wanna talk about..." Sam silenced as his brother looked up to catch his eyes.

"I saw Bella in Hell." Dean suddenly started, his voice low but heavy with emotion. "When I was tearing souls apart, they threw her in front of me... like a piece of meat to the dogs." He paused for a moment as he watched his brother crouch down in front of him. Sam didn't say a word, but nodded, waiting for him to go on. "She was a mess of gashes, cuts and bruises, her hair was stained with blood..." He paused again as he swallowed hard, the tears were threatening to fall. "You should have seen her face light up when she looked at me Sammy... it was like she was looking at her savior or something. She got to her feet and threw her arms around my neck, cried into my shoulder while she told me everything they had done to her day after day..." Sam could do nothing more than nod as he watched his brother suddenly struggle to find his words. "She thought she was safe in my arms..." Dean continued, somewhat of a smirk to the corner of his lips. "I let her pour her heart out and then I did my job."

Sam swallowed the lump caught in his throat. "It was either you or her Dean..." He replied quietly. "If you wouldn't have done it, they might have..."

"That doesn't justify a damn thing." Dean replied drily, wiping a few tears from his eyes. "She thought she was finally safe and I tore her apart, just like the rest of them did. I was one of them.." The two sat silently, Dean struggling with the past memory while Sam tried to comprehend what he had just heard. He unwrapped the blood soaked cloth to take a look at his brother's cut knuckles and paused as the other man momentarily pulled away. "When I was one of them," Dean suddenly continued, breaking the awkward silence. "They told me about what was coming, about the apocalypse. It's gonna happen but not all the demons want Lilith to be the one breaking ground. The yellow eyed demon was looking for a strong leader to go up against her, when the time was right." Dean paused for only a moment as he watched his brother study the bloody gash on his hand. "Sam, that's why he wanted you."

"Dean, I'm trying to stop her, not take her place..." Sam replied without looking up.

"Is that so "

Sam froze, those words going through him like a cold wind. "Dean having demon blood in me doesn't make me one of them." He said sternly, his eyes locking on the those of the man he was crouched in front of. "Ruby and I are trying to use what I have to stop Lilith, nothing more."

Dean gave him a nod but it did little to convince the other man they were still on the same page. "Even if you stop her, another demon will step up to the plate." He winced as his brother pulled a sliver of glass from one of his fingers. "They told me they're confidant they're gonna win against the angels, but some of them just don't want Lilith to lead the way... They don't like the way she does things and they don't like what she has in store when they win the war." He paused for a moment as he caught his brother's eyes. "Ruby thinks you're the only one who can stop the bitch and the scary part is, she's not the only one who thinks so."


	4. Chapter 4

"What else did they tell you?" Sam asked, unsure if he truly wanted to hear any more.

Dean shook his head, swearing to himself as he put a hand to his chest, a deep breath pulling at his bruised body. "They told me about Ruby...."

Sam's heart hit the bottom of his stomach. "What about Ruby?" He asked, pulling another sliver of glass from his brother's hand.

"Some three hundred years ago, Ruby was a witch." Dean started, watching as the other man tossed the broken, bloody piece of mirror into the sink. "Sammy she used black magic to kill her husband and was burned at the stake for it."

"Dean, why didn't you tell me all this earlier?" Sam asked quietly, wiping the blood from his hands onto a towel nearby. When he caught his older brother's eyes, he could tell the other man had finally reached that breaking point.

"Because you love her..." Dean replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

"He deserved what he got."

Sam whirled around, his eyes catching those of the demon standing in the doorway. Though he had been expecting her, he was surprised to see her there. "Ruby..." He breathed.

"They didn't tell you why I did it, did they?" She asked, her eyes drifting from the man on the floor to the one sitting on the side of the tub. Dean simply shook his head. "The guy was a drunk bastard who'd beat me for the hell of it... Back then, accusing your husband of anything was a crime so I turned to black magic and it was taken care of for me... never did find his body." She paused for a moment as the memories came flooding back.

"You're not like the other ones though..." Dean remarked, his eyes never leaving those of the demon in the doorway. "You remember your life, and you know what love and compassion is."

"Yeah, and sometimes I wish I could forget." She replied, swallowing hard. "I'm not the only one that was burned at the stake... they made me watch my daughters burn to death. It's been at least three hundred years but it's like an echo, I can still hear them screaming inside my head." She said, her eyes falling on Dean's bloody hand in Sam's.

Before either men could say a word, a knock at the door broke the silence between them. "That must be Bobby..." Sam said as he got to his feet. "Are you ok for a minute?" He asked as he watched Dean's eyes shift from him to the floor yet again. When his brother offered somewhat of a nod, he made his way towards the door; catching Ruby's eyes on his way by.

"Dean..." Ruby started, getting his attention away from the pain in his hand and chest. "What you did in Hell wasn't your fault." The broken glass snapped and crunched under her feet as she made her way towards him. He watched as she knelt down in front of him and caught her eyes for only a moment before focusing on a drop of blood that was streaking down the side of the sink. "You've got to forgive yourself." She said softly, her voice taking on a motherly tone as she took his injured hand in her own.

"How can I forgive myself for the things I did, when I enjoyed it." He replied, his voice laced with guilt and anger.

"You did what you had to, to save yourself." She replied quietly. "Dean, I was dragged to Hell too... They beat, cut, carved and tortured me for years; that's what happens in Hell." She paused for a moment as she watched his eyes start to tear. "When you see an eternity of torture ahead of you, or the choice to put an end to such a bleak situation, it's understandable that you take their offer... That's what they're counting on."

"I had so much hatred and anger in me... but those poor souls didn't deserve what I did to them."

"And you didn't deserve what they did to you when you were the one on the rack." She was quick to reply. "They're minions Dean, they do as they're told... that's what being a demon is." She paused as she watched him wipe the tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.. "You didn't deserve what you got."

Dean couldn't help but shake his head at her words, it was something he'd come to realize long ago. "Story of my life sweetheart." He said, his tone of voice bitter and jaded.

There was a moment of silence and as she caught his bloodshot eyes, she could have sworn she got a glimpse of something lurking in the back of his mind. "What else is there that bothers you so much Dean?" She asked quietly, releasing her grip as he pulled his injured hand away from her. "Is it what I am?"

"I spent my entire life hunting things like you." He suddenly started, wiping the blood from his hand onto his torn Jeans. "It's hard enough to believe that I have a demon on my side, but to watch the brother I sacrificed everything for turn into..."

"Sam's not turning into anything." She interrupted, her voice cutting into his sentence.

"Then why did angels pull me out of the pit? Why did they tell me to stop him before they do?" He paused as a deep breath pulled at his chest and the words caught in the back of his throat. "Why did my own father tell me that I might have to kill him someday..." He growled, remembering the moment as if it had been only yesterday. "I don't give a shit if the apocalypse is at our doorstep, I'd take my own life before I'd take his."

"They don't believe in him." She replied bluntly. "The angels, your father... you." When his eyes narrowed on her, she knew she had just hit home. "Sam has a gift, and you don't think he can use what he was given against the demons without turning into one himself." There was a short moment of silence as she watched the other man's eyes drift to the pieces of shattered mirror she was crouching over. "Dean, your brother is the strongest weapon you've got to fight this war."

Her words circled inside his head as he tried to make sense of it all. Could his little brother really be stronger than the dark side he possessed? If all Ruby wanted was for Sam to get Lillith out of the way, as the demons had told him, why was she so concerned about him? "Can I ask you something?" He whispered, watching as she grabbed a towel and extending her hand to him. She gave him a nod and he gave her his bloody hand. "Why do you care so much about what happened to me? There are many poor bastards out there that go through hell, not literally I guess, but no one gives a damn about them."

"Why do I care so much about you?" Ruby repeated, dabbing the fresh blood with the towel. "Because you mean the world to your brother, and if you mean the world to him... you mean the world to me too." She replied softly, looking up to catch his eyes. "Watching you struggle with your own demons is tearing him apart." She continued. "All he thinks about is how you're going to cope with everything you've been through." She paused for a moment as she focused on one of the cuts. "He'll be fine... when he knows that you are."

As Dean sat silently, taking in everything she had just told him, he couldn't help but let a smile creep up from the corner of his lips. "I have to admit, I never thought of you as a nurturing mother figure." He said, watching as she carefully cleaned his cut knuckles.

"I might be in my late twenties, but I've got some three hundred years on ya kid." She said with a smile. "That's got to be more than enough to justify looking after ya."

As she continued to clean his wounds, Dean thought about what she had said about his brother. The more he thought about it , the harder it go to keep his focus. His thoughts suddenly scattered and he couldn't help but let out a groan as he put a hand to his chest, a deep breath turning to a gasp as the sharp pain spread like wildfire. His vision started to blur and Ruby's voice seemed distant as the world around him started to spin.

"Dean?" She said, watching as he struggled to catch his breath. "DEAN!" She hissed, reaching out to grab him by the shirt as he started sliding off the edge of the bathtub.


	5. Chapter 5

"How are the two of you doing?" Bobby asked as he handed Sam the small bottle of aspirin. When the younger man caught his eyes, Bobby cleared his throat. "When I was talking to Dean on the phone earlier, it was obvious that the two of you were at it again..."

"It's Dean, Bobby." Sam replied, rolling the small bottle in his hand. "He's been keeping things to himself, just like Dad used to do... Then he gets so wound up, anything I say or do sets him off." Sam paused for a moment as he swallowed the lump caught in his throat. "He finally opened up a bit, I hope that calms him down some but there's nothing I can do to help..."

"Just listen." Bobby replied, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder. "All he needs you to do, is listen."

Sam and Bobby froze as Ruby's panicked voice drifted through the motel room. Before Bobby could say a word, Sam took off running for the bathroom. When the younger man reached the open door, Ruby was pulling his brother to the floor. "Ruby, what happened?" He demanded, dropping to his knees next to her as she lay Dean down on his back.

"He was having trouble breathing and then he just passed out...." She informed, grabbing a clean towel to put under his head.

"Well is he breathing now?" Bobby asked, his voice shaky as he watched Sam lean close to the other man.

"Yeah he's breathing." Sam replied with relief as he lightly put a hand to his brother's chest. Ignoring the shards of glass that were digging into his knees, he hooked his arms under his brother's shoulders and got to his feet. "Bobby get his legs..." He said, watching as Ruby moved aside and Bobby took her place. Together, they carried Dean over to one of the beds and lay him down on top of the sheets. Sam took a seat next to his brother, moving aside Dean's opened, button down shirt and pulling his T-shirt up to his neck to reveal a large dark bruise on his chest.

"What the hell is that from?" Bobby asked, eyeing the bruise that almost went from one shoulder to the other.

"The steering wheel." Sam quickly replied. "When we blew a tire, I hit the dash and he hit the steering wheel. It hurts to breath, but my bruise isn't as bad as his..."

"He was out of breath when we changed the tire on the Impala." Bobby remarked, eyeing the large bruise. "So if he was short of breath to start with, he probably got himself worked up and then he just couldn't breath." Bobby explained, watching as Sam fixed Dean's shirt. "What were you two talking about?" There was a moment of silence as Bobby caught Ruby's eyes. When she didn't give him an answer, Sam turned to face her.

"Nothing he'd want you to hear." She replied simply, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. "He's your brother... you know how he is."

"Right." Sam replied, watching as her eyes drifted to the man on the bed beside him.

"Sam, why don't you walk Ruby back to her room while I get Dean out of those wet clothes." Bobby started, taking a quick glance at his watch. "I think you've had enough for today."

"That sounds like a plan to me..." Sam replied as he got to his feet and joined Ruby at the foot of the bed.

"When you get back, I'm gonna have a look at you too..." Bobby called out as he watched Sam and Ruby make their way to the door.

Sam paused in his steps as he turned to face the older man. "Why?"

"Because you were kneeling in broken glass..." Bobby replied, pointing across the room. Sam looked down at the dark red blotches that covered his lower Jeans and shrugged. Though he remembered falling to his knees by his brother's side, he hadn't felt the pain.

"Bobby just wants you to take your pants off..." Dean said quietly. "Gotta watch out for those old guys..."

"Dean..." Sam replied, quickly making his way back to his brother's side.

"Damn it boy, don't scare us like that again." Bobby hissed, watching as the eldest Winchester put a hand to his chest.

"Just lost my breath... that's all." Dean replied quietly, motioning for his little brother to get closer. "Hey Sam," He started in whisper watching as the other man knelt down by his bed side. "Do me a favor will ya?" He asked, leaning over to whisper something into his brother's ear.

"Yeah sure, anything..." Sam replied quietly.

"Demon or not, kiss her once for me..."

Sam couldn't help but smile as he pulled away, Dean giving him a quick wink as he got to his feet. "Yeah, sure thing." He replied as he joined Ruby in the doorway. Whatever the two had discussed in the short time they were alone in the washroom, it was obvious that Dean had seen the demon at their side in a new light. He only hoped that his brother was no longer dragging around the guilt that had followed him out of Hell.

"Is he going to be alright?" Ruby asked, stepping out into the hall as Sam shut the door behind them.

"Yeah, I think he'll be fine." Sam replied as he gave her a smile.

Thanks for reading!  
Up until the end of 'Lucifer Rising' I had absolutely no problem with Ruby. Though far from being a favorite, I think she had a good run and it wasn't what she did that made me dislike her, it was how full of herself she was, once she succeeded.

-Shugs


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